BIBLE HUMOUR: If Noah had lived in South Africa in 2009
IN the year 2009, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in South Africa, and said, “Once again, the Earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.”
He gave Noah the plans, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard – but no Ark in sight.
“Noah!” He roared , “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”
“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Metro Council for a decision.
Then Eskom demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees because the Nature Conservation authorities say it will upset the balance of the local ecological system. I tried to convince them that I needed the wood to save us all from extinction – but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, the SPCA prosecuted me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
The traffic authorities said it would take six months after completion of the ark to plan a route to the sea. I told them also that the sea would be coming to my back yard. They threatened to have me committed.
Then the Department for Environment ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until I had arranged and conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the BEE group on how many Affirmative Action persons I’m supposed to hire for my building crew. The Department of The Interior has insisted that I provide them with a list of the people who want to work so that they can check that they are not from the non designated group.
Cosatu say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, SARS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark!”
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”
“No,” said the Lord. “The SA Government has beaten me to it.”
Happy Friday! :D
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