The Man Rules
MEN VS WOMEN: At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
WE always hear of ‘the rules’ from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our Man Rules! Please note: these are all numbered ‘1’ on purpose.
The Man Rules
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. So sayeth the Man Rules.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely ANYTHING you wear is fine… Really.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. NB Man Rule.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.
Thank you for reading our Man Rules. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
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