Diary of a Pomme in Northern Kariba

August 1
Just got transferred with work from London, UK to our new home in Chawara , Northern Kariba. Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my new home. I love it here.

September 1
Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I’m turning into a sun worshiper – no blasted rain like back in London!

September 15
Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me! Another scorcher today, but I love it here. It’s Paradise!

October 1
The temperature hasn’t been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it’s windy though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatising is taking longer than we expected.

October 15
Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed three days off work. What a dumb thing to do… Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!

October 20
Didn’t notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat shit. I’ve learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

October 25
This wind is such a bastard. It feels like a giant f*cking blow dryer and it’s hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged R800 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from f*cking JHB… The wife & the kids are complaining.

October 30
The temperature’s up around 40 and the parts still haven’t arrived for the f*cking air conditioner. House is an oven so we’ve all been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody R2 million house and we can’t even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4
Finally got the f*cking air-conditioner fixed. It cost R4000 and gets the temperature down to around 35 degrees. Stupid repairman. Bloody thief!

November 8
If one more smart bastard says “Hot enough for you today?” I’m going to f*cking throttle him. Blasted heat! By the time I get to work, the car radiator is boiling over, my f*cking clothes are soaking wet and I smell like baked cat. This godforsaken place is the arsehole of the Earth!

November 9
Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in my car. I thought my f*cking arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off my sweating arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat. F*ck this place!!

November 10
The weather report might as well be a f*cking recording. ‘Hot and sunny.’ Hot and sunny.. hot and f*cking sunny. It never f*cking changes! It’s been too hot to do anything for two months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. What the hell!?

November 15
Does it ever rain in this damn place?? Water restrictions will be next, so my R5000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the pool. The only things that thrive in this hell-hole are the f*cking flies! You don’t dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!

November 20
Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 f*ckin’ degrees today! Now the air conditioner in my car decides to pack up (not that it was having much of an effect). The repair man came to fix it and said, “Hot enough for you today?” I wanted to shove the f*cking car up his arse. Anyway, had to spend the R6000 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid prick. F*cking KARIBA!! What kind of sick, demented f*cking idiot would want to live here!?

December 1
WHAT?!?! The FIRST day of Summer?!?!? You are f*cking kidding me!!


Galen (name), meaning: "Curious One". A lover of language, human ingenuity and the forces of the universe. Hugely drawn towards the mysterious and unknown. Regular laughter and escapism essential.

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